It has been my experience, that when you are tired (I mean tired to the soul), memories are imprinted in a series of “snapshots” that expand into full movies, kind of like thumbnails of movies on YouTube.
This was the case today.
I have the privilege of working all over the hospital, not just with “my people”, but going from ER to the OR and everywhere in-between. So I see so many things that they “store “ as snapshots or moments in time that I can touch and replay at will ( and sometimes they replay against my will). I’ll share some of them with you.
– The barely controlled frenetic energy of the emergency room, hazmat suited doctors and nurses contrasting with the aides trying to choose a good food tray for that “patient in 8 who is really hungry”.
– The zush zush zush sound of the nurses and aides as they walk through the halls in their tyvek “bunny suits“ going from room to room taking care of the dying and the not dying yet.
– The eerie subdued lighting and oppressive quiet of what was once a holding room for elective procedures that is now a “fishbowl” of Covid patients all in a circle. Those of us working inside quietly desperate as we can almost “feel” the virus in the air.
– The frightened look in the eyes of the nurse caring for the Covid patient in the recovery room isolation area, her unseen smile and insouciant attitude covering up her fear.
– Half heard conversations on the new temporary ICUs among nurses who have never met before, declaring bravely that “we’re the cool kids now” as they gear up.
– And finally the seemingly endless phone calls I made to Spanish speaking families (I’m native born Spanish speaker in case you didn’t know) about how their Mom/Dad/Son/Daughter/Grandmother/Grandfather is NOT going to get better and that yes, I will pray with them.
Hey, stay safe, get some rest, so we can do it again tomorrow.
Life, Health, and Policy. 
You look very tired Dr. C but i know your heart is in everything you do. I know you care for EVERY patient you see and all the families….as you stayed with me when i once was on deaths door. I lost a friend today who was my age to COVID and was on a ventilator, along with a friend’s elderly father and a high school classmates mother in law. A dear friend who is elderly and COPD and has been full time oxygen for years is recovering last i heard.
Please stay safe and I look forward to seeing you when we are able.
Penny
LikeLike
Dr calves words can’t express the gratitude I feel in my heart for all you’re doing as well as all our Frontline staff.God bless you and watch over you and all our amazing staff. I’m sure the things you’re dealing with everyday don’t shut off in your brain even as you’re in the comfort of your own home for probably a few hours. I know you personally and I know you’re a good man and an amazing companionate Dr.Thank you for all you’re doing along with the amazing staff.God watch over all of you as you travel through these uncharted waters.🙏🏼🙏🏼💔💔❤️❤️
LikeLike
My love goes out to you and your family. Stay strong, stay prayed up, keep a smile in your heart. For you are doing, and have always been doing Gods will In your life.
LikeLike
My dear friend you eloquently described exactly what it feels like. I pray you are safe and god gives you his grace. I pray there are no casualties among our staff. I pray For those dying alone and afraid and the for the hand of our nurses who touch them with such deep humanity. I pray for my moms and babies on L&D that have stolen from them what should Be the most magical time in their lives. I pray I do not bring this merciless beast home to my family. I pray…and then I pray Again…and again. Sending so much love xoxox
LikeLike